6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My ass is underappreciated
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
