so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
