i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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