fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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