Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
