I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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