You smell like stripper and shame
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
