no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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