Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
