I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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