I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize