You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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