Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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