I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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