Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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