Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
