What did we do last night that was yellow?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize