I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
