I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
