Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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