i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
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You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I will pee on everything he values.
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No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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