It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
