I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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