Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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