I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
