I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
