Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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