am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
