Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
