I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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