I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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