If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
