you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
