Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
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gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
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Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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