we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
