Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
