i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
