Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
