: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Say something about gay babies.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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