I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
