I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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