last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
