oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
