so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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