he shaved USA in his pubs
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
