It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
