Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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