Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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