we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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