i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
then he tried to convert me to islam
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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