So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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