it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
