so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
