I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
