Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
