i want to swaddle you in tequila
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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