i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
