I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
