I think i peed on brittanys purse
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
