Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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