i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
God, I missed his penis.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize