It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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