Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Also, beer. Big fan.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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