I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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