I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
