That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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